Onboard Updates reports that alley-mounted cork pullers have been installed on B747s, B777s and B767-300s.  A new procedure is provided that makes opening a bottle of wine seem like extracting a sub-particle from a hydrogen atom.  Here it is:

• cut the top off the capsule;

• insert the bottle so that it rests in line with the cork puller;

• cup the bottom of the bottle in one hand;

• pull the lever forward with the other hand to drive the augur through the cork;

• wait for a count of five; and

• push the lever back with a steady, slow motion.

The five-count wait is the most important part of the sequence. The augur in the cork puller cuts a big hole in both cork and plastic.  Without the five-count wait, the augur will slip back out through the hole it just made.

Everyone got that?   All ye Passengers listen up:  Order mixed drinks!